


Gilgamesh’s Greatest Treasure

by sivathlyras



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Gay Relationship, Gay Male Character, M/M, McDonald's, Mesopotamian Mythology - Freeform, No Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 07:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17239922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sivathlyras/pseuds/sivathlyras
Summary: Gilgamesh and Enkidu share a special moment in McDonald’s.





	Gilgamesh’s Greatest Treasure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Florian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florian/gifts).



> This story contains elements specific to Fate canon, but it can also be read as pertaining to the original characters from the Epic of Gilgamesh (hence the “canon gay relationship” tag).

Enkidu sat down at a table and gazed at the scene around him. It was awe-inspiring. Everywhere, treasures—crowns, swords, staffs, all adorned with glimmering gems and precious stones, gold and platinum and silver, luxurious fabrics, intoxicating incense and heady oils, mountains of coin—he had never seen anything like it. He had heard the legends of Gilgamesh’s collection, but never taken it in firsthand. And all of it in their temple, the grand feasting hall they’d built together—the McDonald’s. He didn’t quite know how to react.

“Well?” He heard a voice that snapped him out of his reverie. Gilgamesh was seated across from him, his eyes alight with—was that passion?

“I know. It takes one’s breath away, does it not?” In his hand was a diamond-studded goblet inscribed with the Seal of McDonald’s. Its two golden arches signified the King—man and god; two halves of one magnificent whole.

The goblet had two silver drinking straws sticking out of it. “It’s cola,” he said. “Please, try some. I myself oversaw the crushing of the ice, and the mixture of carbonated water and syrup. It is the perfect ratio.”

Enkidu took the heavy goblet and placed his lips around one of the straws. “You have to suck on it,” Gilgamesh said. “But go slowly, so you won’t hiccup.”

Enkidu did as he was told. Sweet, biting effervescence filled his mouth and slid over his tongue. It was better than any wine he’d ever tasted. He slurped it down eagerly.

“Yes, drink freely, my friend,” Gilgamesh said. “I have imbued this goblet with magical energy. It should let us have our fill. The gods themselves could not craft such a fine elixir! We shall imbibe of it together!”

They both sat at the table, sucking down the delicious, ice-cold cola, heads close together, so much that they could feel each other’s breath.

Enkidu felt a jump in his throat. A hiccup. He sat back, blushing.

“Oh?” Gilgamesh stopped sipping and looked up. “I told you to go slow, didn’t I? Well, no matter. I wouldn’t expect anyone to show restraint after being presented with such a wonder. Perhaps you need a meal to complement this fine beverage? Very well.”

He lifted his hand in the air, his glimmering red eyes still fixed on Enkidu. At once, the massive iron doors of the McDonald’s kitchen swung open, and a host of men in uniforms spilled out. Each was holding a massive golden tray, piled high with some kind of food. Enkidu had never encountered this dish, but it smelled marvelous.

“Chicken nuggets,” Gilgamesh said, as the men placed the platters before them, followed by several gold bowls of various thick, pungent liquids. “You eat them with your hands, and dip them in these sauces, like so—“

He took a nugget from the platter and dipped it into a bowl of something translucent and orange. Then he held it out to Enkidu. Enkidu hesitated.

“Don’t worry,” Gilgamesh said. “I’ve already had the pleasure of tasting them. I had to ensure they were perfect, of course. As my.... friend, I want you to be the first to try them.”

What was that pause for? Enkidu looked at Gilgamesh. He seemed different than usual. His voice trembled, ever so slightly.

“Why do you hesitate? Eat!” 

Gilgamesh thrust the nugget into Enkidu’s hand. It was warm, and had a pleasing texture. The savory scent made his mouth water. He placed it in his mouth and bit down. 

Immediately Enkidu felt pleasure flood through him. The taste was divine. Savory, salty, sweet, spicy, all melding together into one. Its flesh was juicy and soft, yet pleasingly toothsome. The crisp peppery breaded coating lent it a perfect, satisfying crunch. He closed his eyes and let out a gentle moan.

“Yes! Yes!” Gilgamesh cried out, his voice full of delight. Enkidu opened his eyes.

Gilgamesh was beaming. He seemed more excited than usual. “Is it not delicious? Is it not unlike anything you’ve ever tasted? Eat as much as you would like.”

Enkidu didn’t need to be told twice. He tore into the nuggets like a man starving. Combined with sips of the cola, it was an experience of limitless delight.

After a few minutes, he stopped. He looked up and realized Gilgamesh wasn’t eating, or even drinking. He was sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed, brow furrowed, looking around the room.

Enkidu suppressed a belch before opening his mouth to speak. “What is it, my King?”

Gilgamesh didn’t answer for a moment. Then he reached for the goblet. He took a few long sips, then spoke. His voice was unusually restrained.

“Enkidu, the events of this day shall be told and retold for generations to come. What we have created will last until humanity’s end, I am sure of it. It will bless all of mankind.”

Enkidu nodded. He dipped another nugget in barbecue sauce, then popped it in his mouth as Gilgamesh continued.

“This McDonald’s will not be the last. I will build more, all across the land. They will spread even past Sumer—even to the ends of the Earth. All peoples, no matter their culture or nation, will experience these pleasures.”

He took one of the silver straws out of the goblet and began to idly twirl it in his fingers. “Of course, as much as I would like to, I cannot adorn each and every McDonald’s with my riches. The people will have to make do with what my court mages have devised—paper and plastic, two durable materials, both easily produced. Each McDonald’s will be a grand testament to my genius, but aside from this fine temple we have constructed, they will have no gilding and no jewels. And absolutely no swords.”

“A wise decision,” Enkidu replied. “You shouldn’t waste your treasury.”

“I agree, of course. And speaking of my treasury... I....”

Enkidu cocked his head to one side, puzzled. It was strange for the King to hesitate like this.

”I need to tell you something,” Gilgamesh said. “It’s a bit... personal.” He glanced around before continuing. The servers had returned to the kitchen. Enkidu and Gilgamesh were alone in the McDonald’s, together.

“My treasury is unlike anything else in the world. Nothing can rival its sheer opulence, its stunning beauty, its rarity. The most exquisite jewels, expertly crafted weapons, fine adornments... Words cannot describe its majesty, its glory.”

He paused. He placed the straw back in its goblet. He took a deep breath, then looked Enkidu in the eyes. 

“But... out of all the treasures in my collection, there is one far more priceless than the rest. One that cannot be matched in Heaven or on Earth. One whose beauty shall never diminish. One who outshines all the gold in the world, rivaling even the stars. And that treasure, Enkidu...”

Enkidu gazed back at him. Time seemed to stand still.

“..... Is me!”

Gilgamesh leapt up from his chair. He was grinning, arms held out at his sides, his proud chest heaving as he breathlessly spoke, his voice booming throughout the room.

“Yes, me! My genius, my magnificence... It’s taken me so long to see it, but I finally understand. I am not just any King. I am the greatest King to ever live, and even when I die, none shall surpass my majesty. Legends will tell of my strength, my skill, my intelligence, my striking beauty, the adversity I have faced and overcome. People will tremble, they will exalt, they will sing my praises! Even now, they weep when I am in their presence! I am Gilgamesh! Child of the gods, the one who bridges Heaven and Earth, the unfaltering, unequalled King of Heroes!”

Enkidu didn’t know how to respond. His heart hammered in his chest.

“And you...” Gilgamesh looked down at Enkidu. His voice had not dropped in volume, but it had grown in warmth. He smiled broadly.

Enkidu swallowed and gazed back at him. He could hardly speak. “Gilgamesh...” he murmured, the name sending a shiver throughout his body.

“You, Enkidu. You have been at my side all this time. You have struggled and persevered just as I did. You have watched my glory rise and fall and rise again. None have been so faithful. No one else has been allowed to see my treasures up close. I.... I trust you, Enkidu.”

He held his hand out. Enkidu took it, and stood up. Gilgamesh’s hand was bigger than his, and strong, and warm.

“You are my first friend. My steadfast companion. And so, Enkidu, as the full moon rises over Uruk, I will grant you an honor unlike any ever bestowed. You will be my husband.”

Enkidu didn’t realize it until he felt a drop of liquid fall on his trembling hand. He was crying. Gilgamesh stepped closer, and brushed his hand down Enkidu’s cheek, wiping the tears away.

“Gilgamesh... I.... For....”

“What is it?” Gilgamesh’s voice was quieter now, and gentler than Enkidu had ever heard it.

“I’ve been waiting.... For so long... My friend... All this time—“

“You’ve loved me?”

Enkidu nodded, blinking away his tears.

“Yes, I know, Enkidu.” Gilgamesh smiled. “And I.... well... do I have to say it? I don’t know if it... if it befits a king...”

This time it was Enkidu who finished the sentence. “You... you love me too?”

Gilgamesh did not hesitate. He pulled Enkidu closer to him, and Enkidu gladly followed. Gilgamesh kissed him, softly at first, then growing more passionate as Enkidu responded to his touch. When they pulled away, Gilgamesh began laughing with delight and relief, and Enkidu couldn’t help but laugh too. They embraced once more, holding each other close, Enkidu burying his face in Gilgamesh’s chest. They were gay and in love. And then they got married in McDonald’s.

—The End—


End file.
